This used to be me

Not so much anymore.

Some pet peeves:

1. Seeing their, there, and they're used interchangeably.
2. Ditto your, you're (and yore?, well maybe not)

and this one, I noticed today:

3. People who don't know the difference between "ten times more than" and "ten times as much as".

And yet when people say nuklear, it doesn't bug me at all. Go figure.

My wife suggests Christmas letters which don't include spell-check. And newscasters who refer to the police as cops, or refuse to refer to POTUS by his title.

Election day

This is funny because it's there's so much truth to it, but nevertheless: Get out and vote!

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the man.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it\'s time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

"I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning..... Today you voted."

This just in:

Bush may actually be Hitler. Mr. Right has the scoop.

Hat tip to the Jawa Report.

Tag:humor

Joke of the day

I usually hate these in my e-mail (usually) because it's an intrusion on my day. But since you came to my site, perhaps you're looking for a distraction.

Two boys are playing hockey on a pond in a Cleveland park when one of the boys is suddenly attacked by a crazed Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his hockey stick,shoves it under the dog's collar, twists it and breaks the dog's neck,saving his friend.

A reporter is standing by, sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. Young Indians Fan Saves Friend from Vicious Animal, he starts writing in his notebook.

"But I'm not a Indians Fan," the little boy replies.

"Sorry but since we're in Cleveland, I just assumed you were," says the reporter and starts writing again. Browns Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific Attack, he writes in his notebook.

"But I'm not a Browns Fan either," the little boy replies.

"Sorry but since we're in Cleveland, I just assumed you were," says the reporter and starts writing again. Buckeye Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific Attack, he writes in his notebook.

"I'm not a Buckeye Fan either," says the boy.

"Oh... I assumed everyone in Cleveland was either for the Indians, Browns or a Buckeye fan. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked.

"I'm a Wolverine fan," the boy replies.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes:
Little Bastard from Michigan Kills Beloved Family Pet

Tag: joke